When Obedience Hurts: Trusting God when things doesn't make sense

I Don’t Know the Why — But I Trust Him With the Where

My Story of Faith in the Dark

I’ve always believed in God’s promises.

At 27, He whispered dreams into my heart — promises of impact, testimony, and leadership.
He said I would be a blessing to many. He said I would lead something greater than myself.

And I believed Him.

So I obeyed. I built. I served. I waited.

Now, I’m 48 — and this year, I turn 49. And lately, I’ve asked Him questions I never thought I’d need to ask:

“Lord, did I hear You wrong?”
“Why does faith feel like failure?”
“Why is obedience this hard?”

The Breaking Point

It was 2 a.m.
I lay in bed wide awake, completely undone.
Deadlines, pending projects, investor calls, and the ache of holding it all alone — it was too much.

I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even think.
The only thing I could whisper was:

“God… Why are you doing this to me?"

There was no dramatic moment. Just a quiet collapse. A sacred breaking only heaven could see.

Not Alone in the Silence

That night, I remembered Elijah — the prophet who once called down fire from heaven, only to later beg God to take his life.
I remembered David — anointed as king, but hiding in caves.
And Jesus — kneeling in Gethsemane, sweating blood as He said, “If it’s possible, take this cup from Me.”

Even the faithful break.
Even the chosen question.
Even the Savior wrestled.

That didn’t erase the pain — but it reminded me I wasn’t forsaken.

Choosing Trust When It Makes No Sense

I still don’t have all the answers.
But something shifted.

In the middle of the confusion, I let go of needing to know why — and I started holding on to who.

“I trust You, Lord, to never know the why — because You can take me to the where.”

These aren’t just words. They’re the truths I’ve had to stand on when everything else felt like quicksand.

When God Starts Removing Everything

Since then, life hasn’t gotten easier.
God has been pruning — deeply, intentionally.

He’s removed people, habits, and false comforts.
He’s allowing trials I never thought I could survive.

But now I understand — He’s not destroying me.

He’s resurrecting me.

He whispered in my spirit:

“I love you too much to let you stay where you were.”

The Scripture That Carries Me

“I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them.”
— Isaiah 42:16 (NIV)

“I don’t know what’s around the corner, Lord — but I know You’ll be there.”

I believe — I am not buried, I am planted.

If You're Where I Was…

If you feel exhausted…
If you're clinging to God with trembling hands…
If it feels like the promise has faded…

This is for you.

He hasn’t forgotten you.
He’s not finished yet.
And this valley you're in is not the end of your story.

So take one more step. Even if your voice shakes.
Even if your strength is gone.

Because He’ll be there.